Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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