I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Floor bacon is actually really good
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
