I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
