Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
