I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
