Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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