Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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