hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
