Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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