I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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