Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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