Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
time to smoke my breakfast
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
