I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I checked into jail on foursquare
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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