just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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