I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
