she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
