You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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