At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
