Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
