saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize