im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
