On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
