i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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