remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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