Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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