3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
