I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
