Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
