Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
