i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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