Swine flu. Run for my life!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
