you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
