I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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