That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize