just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
