Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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