Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize