It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
