Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
