Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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