??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
