Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
