i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
