Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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