JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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