I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
