You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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