Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
