Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
