I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
