She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
