Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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