Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she was so not down for the gang bang
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize