i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
