he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
