i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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