I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
