I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Randomize
