What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
