I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize