So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
