This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
