He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
