Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
