PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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