for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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