We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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