I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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