If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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