I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Help me help you realize you are a moron
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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