I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
