She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
